nothing left in lust


Sydney, Australia

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fifty9 |

i wont blog in a while.

all my fault . HE didnt fucking help with how i was feeling either. i dont know what to do but i know how to feel. i love you. i love you more than ever now because it's true what they say. you never know what u have until u lost it. i never appreciated you and i should've cared for you more and gave you more signs that i love you. i was the one that treated you wrong.

i know its too late & i know u wont come back to me. thats what i think anyway, i dont know for sure until i try but im too scared to try. there are a million things i could say/tell you right now but i know its not the right time. i dont know when the right time is because u need time to be a lone & so do i but then the more i leave it off the more, im not gunna cross your mind as much and therefore move on.

& yes since u've let me go, im waiting for u to come back and if u dont, then thats when i know you dont feel the same way and it will be time for me to let myself go and get up on my feet. im currently watching myself fall.

everytime people ask me "so hows you & richard ;)" i break down & give a short answer and just walk away. no, im not alright, no, im not okay.

& yes i do admitt, i thought i would cope with it better than im coping right now but i fucking love you. im cutting guys that i knew i had a problem with off so my main focus is you . it always has been but my main focus got a bit blurry.

i really wanna go away. far away. anywhere but here.

&yeah 3 weeks might not sound long and it wasnt long enough for me . and i know i was acting so selfish and disrespectful & inconsiderate. im sorry.

i miss you so much, i want to be in ur arms, i wanna kiss you again, maybe for the last time, i wanna see u but i know i cant handle it.

i will do anything for a second chance. undo my wrongs and instead of putting my all into the relationship, i'll put my all into you.



"fifty9 |" was posted On: 12/2/09, 5:33 PM | 0 ‚òÅ

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